from Queerty, September 22, 2018…
‘Fuck Sesame Street and Their Weak “Bert and Ernie Aren’t Gay” Statement
Earlier this week, Sesame Street writer Mark Saltzman confirmed a long-debated theory; whether Bert and Ernie were a little more than just friends. He told Queerty how even a pre-schooler picked up on the issue:
“I remember one time that a column from The San Francisco Chronicle, a preschooler in the city turned to mom and asked, “are Bert & Ernie lovers?” And that, coming from a preschooler was fun. And that got passed around, and everyone had their chuckle and went back to it. And I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert & Ernie, they were. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them. ”
Well, now the bigwigs at Sesame Street are denying that the puppet pair is any more than friends. You know, because they’re puppets.
“As we have always said, Bert and Ernie are best friends. They were created to teach pre-schoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”
Don’t exist below the waist?
You mean “unless we’re marketing toys and books and other products”–cause these look A LOT like legs and feet to me, Sesame Street…
“Please see our statement below regarding Bert and Ernie. pic.twitter.com/6r2j0XrKYu”
— Sesame Workshop (@SesameWorkshop) September 18, 2018
(Interestingly, the above Twitter link no longer exists.)
Well, I think, to most humans, we can recognise that Bert and Ernie are indeed puppets, and therefore aren’t actually tossing each other off behind Oscar The Grouch’s trash can. Just like how – as puppets – they’re not actually grabbing a couple pints and watching the footie game down the pub.
As puppets, they can be as much lovers as they can friends. Not to mention that Miss Piggy and Kermit (both puppets) were quite clearly a couple. And Oscar had an obvious side-bitch.
They then released another—very similar—statement, which repeated the rehearsed mantra about children learning acceptance. Surprise.
“Sesame Street has always stood for inclusion and acceptance. It’s a place where people of all cultures and backgrounds are welcome. Bert and Ernie were created to be best friends, and to teach young children that people can get along with those who are very different from themselves.”
It’s quite clear that the producers of Sesame Street have the deludedly dreaded fear that children learning that gay couples exist will turn them gay. Which would explain why they have the limited intelligence to produce nothing more than a puppet TV show for 4-year-olds.
Although, I think perhaps on some level they realise that TV shows don ‘t make people gay, but encourage gay children to live as their authentic self, but even so, it leads to the same unwanted outcome: more gay people. Their thinly-veiled attempt to divert their homophobia to acceptance and diversity, is quite frankly, at the level of a 4-year-old.
And also let’s just get this clear, Sesame Street did not create these characters… Saltzman did. Saltzman has already said that they were intended to be in a homosexual relationship, and so for Sesame Street to step forward and actively deny this, (rather than allowing his comment to pass by), demonstrates that they were probably keen not to offend the fellow homophobic parents of middle America.
A retraction that could only ever be bought by Trump supporters. And 4-year-olds.^
–-Images: Wikioedia, Pinterest, & Queerty.
Why it matters that Bert and Ernie are gay, which they are:
It’s a way to tell more kids that they, too, belong in the world…
This is first-rate prose. I am enamoured of the style. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Yesterday I saw Jamie Goodwin burst into flame.
He was just sitting on one of those cheap aluminum-back chairs we all have, eyes closed in the shade of Hester’s old RV, trying to get some relief from the heat, same as everyone else. I was checking the stock of coolers, seeing if any held even a bit of water left to siphon out, when Jamie let out a tiny gasp like he woke from a bad dream. If it was a bad dream he had, he woke to something worse, ’cause little glints of light popped and fizzed off him like the sparklers we used to wave around on Fourth of July. Smoke or steam or something else rose up, then Jamie’s eyes went cartoon-big and he turned into a fireball.
Jamie’s the fourth person to spontaneously combust this month. Two women burned last Wednesday, and old Tom Puddingpaw blazed the week prior. Before that, we averaged only one or two fireballs a month, but now it’s getting worse. And after Jamie burned, Ms. Crankshaw didn’t even cancel lessons like she normally did, as if coming to terms that folks fireballing was the new natural order of things.
“That’s another lesson in evolution. One day we’re apes, then we’re humans, now we’re fireballs.”
She didn’t really say that, but she might as well have.
At least Loud John and Rudy were there when Jamie burned, and they contained his cinders so it didn’t spread like when Quiet John caught flame. But I still saw the whole thing, and it still scared me, even if others pretend to somehow be getting used to it.
“I watched him die,” I tell my friends. “Jamie didn’t scream. I think he tried, since his mouth opened wide, but nothing came out except flames.”
“Why is this happening for no reason?” Ogre asks, though that question is rhetorical because he doesn’t expect an answer. His voice hitches and he overcompensates for it by yelling, “When’s it going to stop?”
That’s rhetorical too.
We’re not supposed to be outdoors because of the heat, but we’re wearing protection, and sometimes out in the desert is the only place we can talk without everyone else listening in.
“I told you we weren’t safe,” Liz says. “Ms. C.’s wrong or she’s lying to us. Anybody can fireball.”
“No one ever tells us the truth,” Tommy adds. “It’s stupid going to lessons if everyone shields us from what’s really happening. I mean, what’re we learning? Facts or make-believe?”
Me and Tommy and Liz and Ogre are shooting at sand lizards with a pair of slingshots. I oughta clarify we’d shoot at anything daring our range of rocks and marbles, but it was too hot for anything but lizards to come out under the sun.
“The adults don’t want us to know…” A red bandana covers half of Liz’s face, so her voice is muffled. “I think we’re all gonna die.”